Not Enough
by Lynn7
Summary: Total A/J fluff. I just love it.


Okay, more complete fluff. 

The characters belongs to Tamora Pierce and the lyrics to Van Halen but the fluff is all mine. 

Not Enough: 

Alanna watched him from lowered lashed, trying to ignore the feelings his smile conjured within her. Jon was in rare form tonight, relaxed and happier then anyone had seen him in months. She was tiered from the long journey here, but he'd asked her to come, and so she had. Sometimes she just couldn't help herself.

__

to love somebody naturally   
to love somebody faithfully   
to love somebody equally   
Is not enough - For his realm.

__

Is not enough - For his people.

__

It's not enough - To make a marriage work.

Alanna looked away as something perilously close to tears came to her eyes. Longing rushed over her. To talk with him, be alone with him, just be with him without half the court placing bets to see if they were sleeping together. Suddenly the room was to stifling hot. She couldn't breath. Standing, she quickly made her way outside.

"Alanna, are you all right?" Myles asked as she reached the door.

"It's the lanterns," she lied, not stopping to look back at him. "I think I'll step out side for a moment. Excuse me." 

Jonathan watched her leave the room from the corner of his eye, hear thumping madly. He'd seen her watching him. He tried valiantly to pay attention to what Thayet was saying, but his eyes kept wondering to the door she'd walked out of. 

  
_to love somebody secretly and never touch   
to love somebody honestly and always trust   
to love somebody tenderly, the tender touch   
It's not enough -_ To keep either of us happy. 

__

It's not enough - To keep us together 

_But it would have been enough for me. _The realization stole his breath away.

"Jon, are you well?" Thayet asked. "You look pale."

"It's nothing, dear." he replied, a little harshly, eyes still the door. "Please, go on."

__

love hurts sometimes   
it's not so easy to find, no   
searching everywhere   
you turn and swear   
it's always been there   


He couldn't wait. Jon knew that leaving in middle of dinner would cause gossip, but he didn't care. He hadn't seen her in months and in the hours that she'd been back, he'd had to endure one meeting after another. Jon clenched his jaw painfully. He always did the right thing, gave the polite answers, was always the model king that everyone expected him to be, regardless of his feelings, regardless of how much it had cost him. 

He was leaving, manners be damned. "My Lady," he interrupted, "I'm afraid I do feel rather ill. I'm sure you'll excuse me."

__

to love somebody foolishly, can happen once-- What other way was there to fall in love? Jon wondered. And it was wonderful, indescribable, uncontrollable torturous agony and he'd love every minute of it..  


__

to love somebody hopelessly, it hurts so much-- Hurt more than anything she'd ever felt. Worse than the death of her friends. The depth of her feelings had terrified her before and they still did. Would she end up like her father? Calling his name as she died? The idea made her shudder. 

__

to love somebody equally   
is not enough   
is not enough   
is not enough   


Eternity seemed to pass before Jon was able to leave the dinning hall. It took even longer to find her. Ironically, he found her in the gardens, standing by the very same bench where he'd kissed her on her birthday. She smiled at him suddenly and in that moment, Jon forgot how to breath. 

__

love takes a little time   
it's not so easy to find, no   
searching everywhere   
you turn and swear   
she's always been there   
standing there

Alanna watched Jon, startled. He'd appeared suddenly, as if her thoughts of him had conjured him. He was achingly beautiful. Just looking at him make her heart speed up. He closed the distance between them in two strides, close enough that she could feel the warmth of his body. Jon traced the side of her face lightly with his fingertips, his startling blue eyes wide with emotion. "Alanna…"

She was shivering. Suddenly, Alanna wasn't sure that her legs would hold her. She wondered if it would always be like this between them. The constant struggle between the heart and the mind. She loved George and he loved Thayet, there was no doubt of that. But they were still in love with each other. Looking into his eyes, Alanna let the truth of it wash over her like a wave. Of course they did. How could they not? In each other they found all things they needed and wanted, the missing half that made the other whole. 

Alanna held a finger over his lips. "I know."

Pain and regret flowed across his handsome feature. "I--I wanted to tell you--" 

Alanna felt hot tears slide down her cheeks. How sad that the one thing they each wanted was the one thing they could not have, the one thing they could not give each other. She knew that they couldn't have this conversation. That if this went on it would kill one of them. She couldn't give him her love, but she would not leave him with nothing. Alanna smiled shakily, eyes solemn. 

__

"And if it don't come easily   
one thing you must believe:  
you can always have trust in me   
because my heart will always be yours honestly."

Looking down at her, Jon felt tears well in his own eyes. He'd only been thinking of his own feelings, never considering what she going through. She give her strength to him so that he might be strong, bled so he might live, sacrificed so that he would continue. She gave all that she was, unselfishly to him, protected him, comforted him no matter what the cost to her. In that moment, Jon knew that he would never love anything, this side of life to eternity, the way he loved her. He swallowed hard.  


__

"Love hurts…sometimes" he whispered harshly.

"_it's not so easy to find, no   
searching everywhere   
then turn and swear   
it's always been there   
standing there"_

Alanna jerked out of his grasp, wiping tears away. "We can't keep doing this." she hissed, trying to pull herself together. Anger stirred, and she welcomed it. Anger was better than this self induced misery. She turned away from him suddenly, walking stiffly in the direction of the fencing yards.

__

Love hurts sometimes  
it's not yours, it's not mine, no   
love's only to share   
turn and swear   


Jon watched her go, clamping down hard on his own emotions. Even now he could see Gary coming towards him, a scroll in each hand. Jon turned away from the bench and walked toward his cousin, as if it would lessen the pain. But he knew it wouldn't. The pain would never diminish, because the kind of what they shared was love. 

__

it's everywhere   
standing there   
'cause it's always been there

Love has always been there

I'm really interested in Jon and Alanna's relationship. They quite clearly love each other but ended up with other people. Speaking from experience, this is a lot tougher than most people think. Especially when both people are as noble as Alanna and Jon: they both really want to, but their honor and moral code get in the way. What great material to write about!


End file.
